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Author Topic: read this timely political joke.... or is it the truth?  (Read 1107 times)
fiero308
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« on: June 01, 2004, 12:02:39 pm »

While vacationing on a ranch, Paul Martin gets thrown from his horse,
 lands on a rattlesnake, gets bitten and dies because the emergency room at the
 nearest hospital is too understaffed to treat him in time.
 
 So his soul arrives in heaven and he is met by St. Peter at the Pearly
 Gates.
 
 "Welcome to Heaven," says St. Peter. "Before you settle in, it seems
 there is a problem.  We seldom see a Liberal around these parts, so we're not
 sure what to do with you."
 
 "No problem, just let me in; I'm a believer." says Martin.
 "I'd like to just let you in, but I have orders from the Man Himself.
 He says you have to spend one day in Hell and one day in Heaven. Then you
 must choose where you'll live for eternity."
 
 "But, I've already made up my mind, I want to be in Heaven," replied
 Martin.
 
"I'm sorry, but we have our rules." And with that, St. Peter escorts
 him to an elevator and he goes down, down, down, all the way to Hell.
 
 The doors open and he finds himself in the middle of a lush golf
 course;the sun is shining in a cloudless sky, the temperature a perfect 72
 degrees.
 Inthe distance is a beautiful clubhouse. Standing in front of it is his dad, and thousands
 of other Liberals who had helped him out over the years. Pierre Trudeau, Jean Marchand,
 Pelletier,St Laurent etc.
 
 The whole of the "Left" was there, everyone laughing, happy and casually
 but expensively dressed.  They run to greet him, hug him, and reminisce about
 the good times the had getting rich at the expense of the "suckers and peasants."
 
 They play a friendly game of golf and then dine on lobster and caviar.
 The Devil himself comes up to Martin with a frosty drink, "Have a Margarita
 and relax, Paul!"
 
 "Uh, I can't drink no more, I took a pledge," says Martin, dejectedly.
 "This is Hell, son. You can drink and eat all you want and not worry, and
  it just gets better from there!"

 Martin takes the drink and finds himself liking the Devil, who he thinks
 is a really very friendly guy who tells funny jokes like himself, and
 pulls hilarious nasty pranks, kind of like they pulled on the GST and Free
 Trade promises. They are having such a great time that, before he realizes it,
 it's time to go. Everyone gives him a big hug and waves as Martin
 steps on the elevator and heads upward.
 
 When the elevator door reopens, he is in Heaven again and St. Peter is
 waiting for him.  "Now it's time to visit Heaven," the old man says,
 opening the gate.
 
 So for 24 hours Martin is made to hang out with a bunch of honest,
 good-natured people who enjoy each other's company, talk about things other
 than money, and treat each other decently. Not a nasty prank or frat
 boy joke among them; no fancy country clubs and, while the food tastes
 great, it's not caviar or lobster. And these people are all poor, he doesn't see
 anybody he knows, and he isn't even treated like someone special!
 
 Worst of all, to Martin, Jesus turns out to be some kind of Jewish hippie
 with his endless 'peace' and 'do unto others' jive.
 
 "Whoa," he says uncomfortably to himself. "Pierre Trudeau never prepared me
  for this!"
 
 The day done, St.  Peter returns and says, "Well, you've spent a day in
 Hell and a day in Heaven.  Now choose where you want to live for eternity."
 With the 'Jeopardy' theme playing softly in the background, Martin reflects for a
 minute, then answers: "Well, I would never have thought I'd say this - I
 mean, Heaven has been delightful and all - but I really think I belong in
 Hell with my friends."
 
 So St.  Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes down, down, down,
 all the way to Hell. The doors of the elevator open and he is in the middle of a
 barren scorched earth covered with garbage and toxic industrial waste, kind
 of like Sudbury.
 
 He is horrified to see all of his friends, dressed in rags and chained
 together, picking up the trash and putting it in black bags. They are
 groaning and moaning in pain, faces and hands black with grime.
 The Devil comes over to Martin and puts an arm around his shoulder. "I don't
 understand," stammers a shocked Martin, "Yesterday I was here and there was
 a golf course and a clubhouse and we ate lobster and caviar, drank booze.
 We screwed around and had a great time. Now there's just a wasteland full of
 garbage and everybody looks miserable!"
 The Devil looks at him, smiles slyly, and purrs, "Yesterday we were
 campaigning; today you voted for us!"
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